Things to Do at 5 a.m.

  1. Move to a farm, so there are actually things to do at 5 a.m.
  2. Check the garden to see what the rabbits destroyed overnight.
  3. Check the weather report at 5 or 6 different sites, to see if they agree.
  4. Depending on your mood, believe either the worst or the best of them.
  5. Try to go back to bed.
  6. See if you can identify how many robins are currently singing.
  7. Get up and wander around looking for something to do.
  8. Realize if you were a slightly better person you’d wash the dishes you left in the sink last night.
  9. Admit that if you were a much better person, you wouldn’t have left the dishes in the sink last night.
  10. Discover that early morning talk radio is even more awful than midday talk radio.
  11. Go back to bed
  12. And NPR’s not much better.
  13. Decide that the basement is still too creepy at this hour to go and fold the laundry.
  14. Absolutely, positively DO NOT CHECK YOUR EMAIL, for pity’s sake, you are pathetic.
  15. Check your email
  16. Realize that if you brush your teeth, it means you’re not going back to bed.
  17. Brush your teeth.
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